Questions from Faces

‘Questions from Faces’ is a project from No Multiple Faces, intended to foster conversations and a safe online environment for sharing experiences and thoughts as prompted by questions that we pose.

Running through Women’s History Month, our question at the moment is “Is there a time, to your memory, when you’ve felt the need to put on a different face (physically or metaphorically) as a Woman?”. As and when we move on to the next, all questions and responses will be archived and available.

You’re not obligated to share a response, but feel free to read the submitted responses below and - if you feel inclined to share also - use the form here:

“Is there a time, to your memory, when you’ve felt the need to put on a different face (physically or metaphorically) as a Woman?”

  • “Of course! Every time I run an event or hold an important meeting I feel as though I need to be a completely different version of myself. One that's more professional, more coherent and one that's much more competent. I'm sure many other women do the same and it can be exhausting! While I don't wear makeup very often, I do when trying to look more professional. This plus a constant smile is my physical mask.”.

    - Eleanor Newton (Director of The Trouble Club - @thetroubleclub).

  • “As a mixed race woman, I’ve had to wear many faces in my life. There’s always a constant balancing act between who you are and how people expect you to be. Confident but not arrogant. Nice, but not a pushover. Direct but not bitchy. Image conscious to a standard that is societally acceptable but not too much where I would be considered shallow or ‘stupid’ because, for some reason, a woman cannot care about her looks and be intelligent. When I worked in Finance, an industry dominated by men, I had to learn to navigate these contradictory fine lines in order to be understood and respected. As an Asian woman, I was aware of the stereotypes that often followed, and I had to spend every day at work navigating this. I knew I wouldn’t be listened to unless I spoke, in the same way, the men often did in meetings, directly and often interrupting others. I also knew that if I needed someone to understand my issues and want to help with my problems, I had to lean into the ‘damsel in distress’ role (one that I hated doing) because often, adopting a male approach as a woman in the workplace can make you be seen as unapproachable and ‘not a team player’. I could feel myself being treated differently in the actions and reactions of those around me. A dismissive comment here, a sexually inappropriate one there, often laughed off for fear of being punished for daring to call it out. I often felt that I had to work ten times harder to be respected and heard because, even as a specialist on a particular topic, my opinion was often ignored in favour of the opinion of a man who knew nothing about the same topic. The many faces we wear often become so second nature that we don’t realise how easily and constantly we step into these various roles until we’re removed from that environment, and we finally understand how much of ourselves we dull down to become palatable to those around us."

    - Tamsin Wong (Content Creator - @maybetamsin / @tamsinamy)

  • "I grew up in a culture that valued thinness and beauty above all else, and I felt like I had to put on a literal mask of dieting and self-deprivation to fit in. It's taken me a long time to realize that my worth as a woman is not defined by my appearance."

    - Anonymous.

  • "When being ignored in a meeting full of men - When being brushed past in a crowded space - often grabbed or groped - When grimacing at my own internalised misogyny - When walking home alone - When being told it’s “not all men” - When watching others like me having their human rights stripped - When trying to be passionate but not “too emotional” - When watching others debate my life and my future - When realising how fast we grew up in the glare of others’ opinions - When I take my birth control - When my period pain is publicly ruthless - When I look in the mirror - When I receive a compliment I’ll never believe".

    - Charlotte, 18.

  • "Unsurprisingly, I cannot recall the amount of times that I have worn a different persona to protect my own safety or sanity. It is such a commonality that the vast majority of the time, I do not realise when I am doing it. I recognise it in my primary school days where I was told I was ‘too rough’ and ‘tomboyish’, so I would pretend to be interested in male dominated areas (like sports). I saw it in my preteen years, when I would bite my tongue in conversations with male authority figures surrounding women’s equality, becoming used to the responsive eye rolls and breathless chuckles at the oppression they are so oblivious to if not bright and burning in front of them. As I grew older, these masks became so bountiful that they would glide off and on automatically, done originally in intellectual discussions with company, but now most common when an older man is approaching me in my place of work with his hastily comments and ogling eyes, or in public in front of the grown up men who were the same as those verbally harassing online but had since grown arrogant enough to do it in person. When I find myself in these situations, though on occasion I do it out of convenience and exhaustion from the repetitive nature of the experience, most of the mask that is tattered the most is that of the one I wear when an intoxicated older man approaches me in the night, attempting to hold my hand and burrow his head into my neck, all the while I have to laugh and make light of the situation, too fearful of what the ulterior outcome of the situation might be if I let my mask slip for a fraction of a second. As women, these are the situations that are seen almost as a rite of passage, a twisted coming of age reality that we will more likely than not, encounter at least one in our lives (if we’re lucky).".

    - Lilia, 18.

  • "When I was pregnant, I felt like I had to fake a mask of joy and gratitude to avoid being judged for not enjoying every moment of the experience. It's okay to acknowledge the challenges and struggles of pregnancy as a woman. Now, I'm a stay-at-home mom, and sometimes I feel like I have to put on a happy face and pretend like everything is perfect, even when it's not. I don't want to be judged for not having it all together as a woman and a mother."

    - Anonymous.

  • “It’s exhausting wearing a different face. There’s this idea that women are ‘neurotic’ or ‘over-emotional’. And this idea that we need to present something hard-faced or ruthless to succeed in a ‘man’s world’. But why? My emotions and my vulnerability power my strength. They are a strength. I just wish it hadn’t taken so long to realise that.”

    - Lucy Nichol (Author, Mental Health Campaigner, and PR professional - @lucyenichol).

  • "Yes, definitely. I have always gone into meetings or interviews with a “different face” in terms of makeup - always toning it down and keeping it super natural to appease the person interviewing."

    - Anya Moore (Feminist artist - @anyamooreart)